Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
