he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
