Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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