how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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