She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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