I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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