you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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