due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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