Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
