Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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