dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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