I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize