i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
