wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
