When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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