just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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