I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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