So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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