Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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