dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
foreskin is a definite game changer
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
