so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I deserve this hangover.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
