i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
