Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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