i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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