im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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