she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
