why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
