bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
