It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
