he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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