I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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