Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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