I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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