I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
