I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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