That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
