I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
