I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
