Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
