Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
