I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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