Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
