I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize