The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
