I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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