i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
