Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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