Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
