the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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