There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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