What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
