Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
