Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dick very happy bro
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
