I CAN MOONWALK!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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