Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
